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[Feb. 9th, 2006|01:14 am] |
the Cutting Edge
(66% dark, 46% spontaneous, 26% vulgar) | your humor style:
CLEAN | SPONTANEOUS | DARK
Your humor's mostly innocent and off-the-cuff, but somehow there's something slightly menacing about you. Part of your humor is making people a little uncomfortable, even if the things you say aren't themselves confrontational. You probably have a very dry delivery, or are seriously over-the-top.
Your type is the most likely to appreciate a good insult and/or broken bone and/or very very fat person dancing.
PEOPLE LIKE YOU: David Letterman - John Belushi
The 3-Variable Funny Test!
- it rules -
If you're interested, try my latest:
The Terrorism Test
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My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: | You scored higher than 84% on darkness | | You scored higher than 51% on spontaneity | | You scored higher than 22% on vulgarity |
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| my part |
[Feb. 8th, 2006|12:22 am] |
| Guilt | What is yours? | Explain yourself | | Culinary: | soda |
I just can't get enough sugar. Diabetes here we come! |
| Literary: | Blogs | newspapers, magazines are all to slow. I read a mag in 15 minutes. | | Audiovisual: | Stupid adultswim shows like 12oz mouse and squidbillies | hrm. retarded sense of humor? or is it briliiant? |
| Musical: | Don't know - Interpol? | I can't understand why I like them, I should hate them but I can't. Someone explain. |
| Celebrity: | Holy Crap, Sherilyn Fenn | none required. |
Now I tag:-
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 29th, 2005|08:42 pm] |
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Ah yes... posting.. so I just gave away section 103 Coldplay tickets because they had become emotionally-tainted. Ugh. |
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| pepfin has guilted me into posting! |
[May. 17th, 2005|11:17 pm] |
1) Total number of films I own on DVD/VHS: 14 on VHS, and about 35 on DVD plus the whole of Farscape (probably about 48 DVDs - Geek Alert!)
2) The last film I bought: Dirty Tricks and Cunning Stunts - Its a mountain biking trials vid.
3) The last film I watched: all the way through was probably Garden State on a plane to LA.
4) Five films that I watch a lot or that mean a lot to me:
I'll limit this to the movies I own:
Ren and Stimpy Classics II - Just watched this again. Freaking Brilliant.
Office Space - I actually wept in the theatre when I saw this movie.
U2 Elevation- Live from Boston
Gladiator
Amadeus
5) And I will not tag (5 ppl) cause I don't have that many Lj friends. :( |
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| Entry 786,231 of 'Why freakp does not like people' |
[May. 7th, 2005|11:15 pm] |
So, this is entry 786,231 of 'Why freakp does not like people'. So I bike to the metro most days now, and to do this I have to take 3 different elevators at the station I ride from. Last week, in the morning, one of these elevators got a facelift, or I should say a 'floorlift', in that the flooring was topped with a new layer of stainless steel diamond plate. It was a welcome change, and was well done. I even admired the craftsmanship it took to put in and weld the seams. Not more that 8 hours later, when I was going home, the elevator doors opened to reveal a large pool of urine on the not even one-day-old floor. Nice. Thanks asshole. You can't walk 15 feet to piss on the grass, no, you have to go on the newly crafted floor that everyone needs.
Next entry: I almost got bumped from my flight from Boston yesterday because 3 pilots had to deadhead to DC at the last minute, two other people did actually get bumped.
Next entry: Two times at the Lowes today, people looked right at me as I was pushing a large cart, with a large box, and stopped right in my way. Seriously, I am way too nice. I should have just run them down.
Sorry for the bitter party. I'm in a good mood now. |
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| That's what I'm counting on |
[Feb. 1st, 2005|12:42 pm] |
CedrictheSilly (11:12:10 AM): I am afraid, because some day you are going to decide nostrils aren't interesting enough, and you'll switch to a new orifice....
FreakyPantsS (11:13:55 AM): yes, you should be looking forward to that... so many orifices, so little time..
CedrictheSilly (11:14:52 AM): That's what I'm counting on. |
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| Classics. |
[Jan. 30th, 2005|12:41 am] |
So in realizing that I don't post very much, I am going to try to post some of my more interesting chats. If nothing else, *I* think they're funny.
CedrictheSilly (11:15:13 AM): You're just sitting over there hating me right now, aren't you?
FreakyPantsS (11:15:33 AM): no, not at all, i have moved on to hating other people
CedrictheSilly (11:16:09 AM): Such as?
FreakyPantsS (11:16:27 AM): everybody
CedrictheSilly (11:16:41 AM): That's a long list, dude. |
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| A Post... A Post... |
[Jul. 22nd, 2004|10:13 pm] |
Hey, I'm getting off my fat duff and posting. I just got back from a Boston day trip. Walked around Harvard Square prior to my meeting. Pretty cool area, but it was less than I expected, lots of bookshops and coffee places, but not as impressive as in the movies and such. Next monday I am going back to beantown, but because of the convention I have to fly into Manchester. fun!
Anyways, I thought I'd try some stuff to exercise my new lj client.. so let me try a picture... You all remember the Wootch?
And here's a real treat, a 80's musical quiz featuring the live music of the Legwarmers captured by your's truly... Can you name them all? |
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| Jon Stewart's Commencement Address at William & Mary |
[Jun. 14th, 2004|11:50 pm] |
Thank you Mr. President, I had forgotten how crushingly dull these ceremonies are. Thank you.
My best to the choir. I have to say, that song never grows old for me. Whenever I hear that song, it reminds me of nothing.
I am honored to be here, I do have a confession to make before we get going that I should explain very quickly. When I am not on television, this is actually how I dress. I apologize, but there’s something very freeing about it. I congratulate the students for being able to walk even a half a mile in this non-breathable fabric in the Williamsburg heat. I am sure the environment that now exists under your robes, are the same conditions that primordial life began on this earth.
I know there were some parents that were concerned about my speech here tonight, and I want to assure you that you will not hear any language that is not common at, say, a dock workers union meeting, or Tourrett’s convention, or profanity seminar. Rest assured.
I am honored to be here and to receive this honorary doctorate. When I think back to the people that have been in this position before me from Benjamin Franklin to Queen Noor of Jordan, I can’t help but wonder what has happened to this place. Seriously, it saddens me. As a person, I am honored to get it; as an alumnus, I have to say I believe we can do better. And I believe we should. But it has always been a dream of mine to receive a doctorate and to know that today, without putting in any effort, I will. It’s incredibly gratifying. Thank you. That’s very nice of you, I appreciate it.
I’m sure my fellow doctoral graduates—who have spent so long toiling in academia, sinking into debt, sacrificing God knows how many years of what, in truth, is a piece of parchment that in truth has been so devalued by our instant gratification culture as to have been rendered meaningless—will join in congratulating me. Thank you.
But today isn’t about how my presence here devalues this fine institution. It is about you, the graduates. I’m honored to be here to congratulate you today. Today is the day you enter into the real world, and I should give you a few pointers on what it is. It’s actually not that different from the environment here. The biggest difference is you will now be paying for things, and the real world is not surrounded by three-foot brick wall. And the real world is not a restoration. If you see people in the real world making bricks out of straw and water, those people are not colonial re-enactors—they are poor. Help them. And in the real world, there is not as much candle lighting. I don’t really know what it is about this campus and candle lighting, but I wish it would stop. We only have so much wax, people.
Lets talk about the real world for a moment. We had been discussing it earlier, and I…I wanted to bring this up to you earlier about the real world, and this is I guess as good a time as any. I don’t really know to put this, so I’ll be blunt. We broke it.
Please don’t be mad. I know we were supposed to bequeath to the next generation a world better than the one we were handed. So, sorry.
I don’t know if you’ve been following the news lately, but it just kinda got away from us. Somewhere between the gold rush of easy internet profits and an arrogant sense of endless empire, we heard kind of a pinging noise, and uh, then the damn thing just died on us. So I apologize.
But here’s the good news. You fix this thing, you’re the next greatest generation, people. You do this—and I believe you can—you win this war on terror, and Tom Brokaw’s kissing your ass from here to Tikrit, let me tell ya. And even if you don’t, you’re not gonna have much trouble surpassing my generation. If you end up getting your picture taken next to a naked guy pile of enemy prisoners and don’t give the thumbs up you’ve outdid us.
We declared war on terror. We declared war on terror—it’s not even a noun, so, good luck. After we defeat it, I’m sure we’ll take on that bastard ennui.
But obviously that’s the world. What about your lives? What piece of wisdom can I impart to you about my journey that will somehow ease your transition from college back to your parents' basement?
I know some of you are nostalgic today and filled with excitement and perhaps uncertainty at what the future holds. I know six of you are trying to figure out how to make a bong out of your caps. I believe you are members of Psi U. Hey that did work, thank you for the reference.
So I thought I’d talk a little bit about my experience here at William and Mary. It was very long ago, and if you had been to William and Mary while I was here and found out that I would be the commencement speaker 20 years later, you would be somewhat surprised, and probably somewhat angry. I came to William and Mary because as a Jewish person I wanted to explore the rich tapestry of Judaica that is Southern Virginia. Imagine my surprise when I realized “The Tribe” was not what I thought it meant.
In 1980 I was 17 years old. When I moved to Williamsburg, my hall was in the basement of Yates, which combined the cheerfulness of a bomb shelter with the prison-like comfort of the group shower. As a freshman I was quite a catch. Less than five feet tall, yet my head is the same size it is now. Didn’t even really look like a head, it looked more like a container for a head. I looked like a Peanuts character. Peanuts characters had terrible acne. But what I lacked in looks I made up for with a repugnant personality.
In 1981 I lost my virginity, only to gain it back again on appeal in 1983. You could say that my one saving grace was academics where I excelled, but I did not.
And yet now I live in the rarified air of celebrity, of mega stardom. My life a series of Hollywood orgies and Kabala center brunches with the cast of Friends. At least that’s what my handlers tell me. I’m actually too valuable to live my own life and spend most of my days in a vegetable crisper to remain fake news anchor fresh.
So I know that the decisions that I made after college worked out. But at the time I didn’t know that they would. See college is not necessarily predictive of your future success. And it’s the kind of thing where the path that I chose obviously wouldn’t work for you. For one, you’re not very funny.
So how do you know what is the right path to choose to get the result that you desire? And the honest answer is this. You won’t. And accepting that greatly eases the anxiety of your life experience.
I was not exceptional here, and am not now. I was mediocre here. And I’m not saying aim low. Not everybody can wander around in an alcoholic haze and then at 40 just, you know, decide to be president. You’ve got to really work hard to try to…I was actually referring to my father.
When I left William and Mary I was shell-shocked. Because when you’re in college it’s very clear what you have to do to succeed. And I imagine here everybody knows exactly the number of credits they needed to graduate, where they had to buckle down, which introductory psychology class would pad out the schedule. You knew what you had to do to get to this college and to graduate from it. But the unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective. The paths are infinite and the results uncertain. And it can be maddening to those that go here, especially here, because your strength has always been achievement. So if there’s any real advice I can give you it’s this.
College is something you complete. Life is something you experience. So don’t worry about your grade, or the results or success. Success is defined in myriad ways, and you will find it, and people will no longer be grading you, but it will come from your own internal sense of decency which I imagine, after going through the program here, is quite strong…although I’m sure downloading illegal files…but, nah, that’s a different story.
Love what you do. Get good at it. Competence is a rare commodity in this day and age. And let the chips fall where they may.
And the last thing I want to address is the idea that somehow this new generation is not as prepared for the sacrifice and the tenacity that will be needed in the difficult times ahead. I have not found this generation to be cynical or apathetic or selfish. They are as strong and as decent as any people that I have met. And I will say this, on my way down here I stopped at Bethesda Naval, and when you talk to the young kids that are there that have just been back from Iraq and Afghanistan, you don’t have the worry about the future that you hear from so many that are not a part of this generation but judging it from above.
And the other thing….that I will say is, when I spoke earlier about the world being broke, I was somewhat being facetious, because every generation has their challenge. And things change rapidly, and life gets better in an instant.
I was in New York on 9-11 when the towers came down. I lived 14 blocks from the twin towers. And when they came down, I thought that the world had ended. And I remember walking around in a daze for weeks. And Mayor Giuliani had said to the city, “You’ve got to get back to normal. We’ve got to show that things can change and get back to what they were.”
And one day I was coming out of my building, and on my stoop, was a man who was crouched over, and he appeared to be in deep thought. And as I got closer to him I realized, he was playing with himself. And that’s when I thought, “You know what, we’re gonna be OK.”
Thank you. Congratulations. I honor you. Good Night. |
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